Addressing the Hesitation of Many Women: Is Silence the Answer? The Wealth of Women in Islam

Before describing the stories of the women I interviewed, I believe it is worth addressing the elephant in the room that so often silences women who are facing any kind of abuse in their marriages: is it morally wrong to expose the sordid details of our own marriages or to read about the problems in the marriages of others?

The Islamic ideals of moral behavior forbid frivolous gossip and certainly backbiting, but with the express approval of the Prophet, ʿĀ’ishah, the wife of the Prophet, permitted women to break their silence about their husbands’ behavior in general (good and bad) for instructive purposes.

ʿĀ’ishah narrated a Hadith about 11 women (their identities were kept anonymous except for one who appeared most content in her marriage) who gathered and spoke unreservedly regarding their husbands’ character and behavior so that other couples could learn what is and is not Islamic behavior within a marriage and how to address any injustice.

It is important to note that among these 11 couples, the husbands whose wives had praised them were referenced by name in related narrations, while the husbands who were failing to fulfill their wives’ rights were not identified by name. It appears that the aim of the latter wives disclosing their husbands’ misbehaviors was not to shame these men, but rather to illustrate how a good and loving Muslim husband should treat his wife.

From among these 11 women, the wives who complained appeared to have lost the sense of security and protection (iḥtiwā’) their marriages were supposed to provide. For example, the third woman to share her story expressed a fear of revealing details about her husband’s misbehavior, “If I describe him (and he hears of that), he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will keep me hanging (neither divorcing me nor treating me as a wife should be treated).”

The wives in the group who felt secure and loved also shared their stories. According to one narration, after each wife told her story, the Messenger reflected on which women within this group of 11 was married to a husband who fulfilled his duties as a husband and exemplified praiseworthy character as a partner. He compared himself to one particular husband, saying, for “I am to you (ʿĀ’ishah) as Abū Zarʿwas to his wife Umm Zarʿ.”

We find in another Hadith, Umm Zarʿ, who interestingly enough was no longer married to Abū Zarʿ by the time this story was relayed, characterizing her ex-husband as having been extremely generous and kind towards her, his children, his mother, and his wife’s parents:

My husband [was] Abū Zarʿ, and what is Abū Zarʿ [i.e., what should I say about him]? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat [i.e., I have become fat]. And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I felt good about myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain. Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill…

Umm Zarʿ went on to say that she remarried a good man, but she couldn’t help but admit that his generosity did not compare to that of Abū Zarʿ. She said, “He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said: ‘Eat [of this], O Umm Zarʿ, and give provision to your relatives.” She added, “Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abū Zarʿ.”

Much like the goal of the 11 women who gathered to speak about their marriages, the purpose of the study participants in this chapter is not to present idle complaints or to slander, but rather to uncover the ways in which women married to Muslim men have found their financial rights under Islamic law fulfilled, denied, or curtailed.

Through these candid, detailed revelations, we can begin to learn what changes Muslim Americans must make in deriving, understanding, and applying the fiqh, as it pertains to the financial rights of a wife, so that women are safe and secure in their marriages.

As Jacquette Timmons, the author of Financial Intimacy, said, “Most people operate from the paradigm that experience is the best teacher. But learning from what others have or have not done is an excellent way to get the lesson without having to take the test! It can be just as insightful, but much less stressful.”

Excerpt is from The Wealth of Women by Rabab Razik, where you can read more the case studies provided and understand Islamic Financial Laws.

Embark on a journey through the various stages of life, from marriage to divorce
and widowhood, to witness how women living within the Islamic tradition are endowed with the right to safeguard their financial independence.

This comprehensive exploration confronts an ongoing disconnect between Islamic law and Muslim family dynamics to equip men and women alike with the knowledge and tools to uphold an important body of Islamic financial laws